Tuition money GONE!

http://www.fatwallet.com/forums/finance/988098/?start=0

(1) Stop running his life for him. Maybe college just isn't his thing,

Kick the bum out to the curb, give him a chance to grow up in the life of hard knocks.

(2) Exactly -- The only reason I'm so damn cheap now is because I grew up that way. My parents were straight poor (food stamps/medicare; legitimately), and while growing up they constantly hammered the value of a dollar in my head. One of my earliest memories was around 3 years old; I was taking the eggs/milk out of the fridge by myself, and I broke 4+ eggs and spilt the milk; I knew we were poor so I remember crying for a good half hour about that one.

It's probably too late to teach your son about money, especially since you're enabling him by giving him a second chance. It sounds like he'll unfortunately have to learn that the hard way. Keep giving him money and he'll just find a way to exploit it.

This is more of a parenting question than a finance one BTW. If it were me, I would cut him off, and the only way he'll be able to get money from me is if he lives at home and shows me his grades every semester.


(3) there are 2 ways to learn the value of $$
the hard way, being poor, feel the pain of lack of $$, or learn to be demanding, aggressive, inspired to make more $$.

rent a ferrari for him for a weekend, take him to tour some millon-dollor houses, show him what $$ can buy, and let him understand what it's like being a $10/hour teller for the rest of his life. he will learn how to use $$ wisely.

don't force him back to school, let alone medical school. doctors will faint if they know how much a half-decent, no degree programmer can earn, and how easy their lives are.


(4) This is almost the same story as mine. To make a long story short. I too went to college. 40k a year for 4 years plus assorted yearly expenses, rent, stipend...ect... I got kicked out for bad grades by year 2, I bounced around in the same town with none of my friends even knowing I wasn't enrolled. My parents thought I was going to other schools to take classes not being offered at my own University. After the 4 years were up, I told them I graduated. Went home and proceeded to fake apply to graduate school. After a few months of this, I couldn't keep lying to my folks and came clean.

Sure there was a lot of tears and woulda shouldas, but they supported me and said that the money wasn't important and that they would continue to support me in what I wanted to do. I enrolled into a local second tier school and proceeded to salvage what credits I could. 6 quarters later, I really graduated with little fanfare and got a job with a national investment firm as a stockbroker trainee.

That was nearly 20 years ago. Today I am still in that first job and one of the bigger stockbrokers in Southern California. I have a great life with all the trimmings, wife, kids, dogs, houses, and cars. I can honestly say that without my parents standing by and supporting me I would not be where I am today.

All is not lost, it's never too late to turn your life around.


(5) Children need to learn that their actions (either good or bad) have consequences. He partied too much at school and got kicked out (1st bad action). He basically defrauded you out of money that you intended for his tuition (2nd bad action). He did these things because he didn't think anything significant would happen (no consequences).

All parents love their children and want to protect them from the stress, problems, and sorrows that unfortunately are part of life. If you gloss over his behavior now, his reckless attitude will continue and in fact be reinforced.

If you truly do love your son, he must learn to be responsible, self-sufficient and goal directed. Coddling and protecting him will not teach these values. Someday you will not be around to save him. All he will have are the values and qualities he learned from you. The sooner he learns these things, the better his life will be. In the future (ten or fifteen years down the road) he will love and appreciate you for teaching him this.

Offer him the choice of moving back home with you, paying you back the money he stole, and possibly enrolling in a local communtiy college (inexpensive) to see if he can get good grades and adapt a serious attitude about study. If he will not do these things, cut him off and explain to him that he is on his own with no further financial support from you.

I know this will be hard for you. Sometimes being a good parent means having your children hate you for a while.

(000)http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/TasteAndSee/ByDate/2007/2168_12_Ways_to_Love_Your_Wayward_Child/