http://news.creaders.net/headline/newsViewer.php?nid=333387&id=777578&dcid=2
新华网 2008-01-30 12:36:51
在加拿大呆了3年以后，非常迫切的想回国发展了。原因如下：
1。不能融入加拿大的文化，在精神生活方面不能的到满足。
2。受不了加拿大的天气，半年的冬天，一想到就很烦躁。
3。饮食水平及其差，很多自己想吃的东西都吃不到。每天只是为了填胃而食。
。朋友交流很少。大部分人都为了生存而挣扎。每个人都很孤单。
5。工作难找且不稳定。似乎事业上不会有什么大的发展。
6。医疗水平极差。生病得不到治疗的痛苦无法言表。
当然，加拿大的很多优点也是值得留恋的。
1。自然环境好。到了夏天非常美丽。（但是冬天的郁闷也是很明显的）
2。社会福利好。养小孩，养老人，以后自己的退休都会很舒适。
3。人们非常礼貌，社会治安好。
4。国家民主，言论自由。
5。汽车便宜，养车费用低。
6。国家有很好的credit（信用）。
综上所述，自己毅然回国。回国之后非常兴奋，持续了半年。半年之后，自己对中国的认识又加深了。这里再来谈谈中国的情况。
1。首先，让人直接就想到要重新回加拿大。在中国没有安全感。比如，刚刚的房贷加息的问题。明明老百姓每月要多付钱了，却大言不惭的说是为了老百姓的利益。还有要实行房产税，让那些靠出租为生的人，每年就突然要损失一大笔钱交给国家了。一个政策，老百姓就可以平白无故的被剥夺了很多，而且，这还是无法抗拒，无法协商的。这个问题让我非常非常的伤心，本来还想再买一套房子。现在也不敢买了。而且有了把房子卖掉，重回加拿大的想法了。
2。环境问题：这个问题也很严重。在我的家乡，基本上很难看到蓝天了。不过大城市现在很重视，北京环境比以前有了明显的进步。现在的环境还是可以接受的。如果要是北京像我的家乡那样，就真的不可能在北京生活了。不过长期下去，环境不容乐观。中国如果想全面改善环境。难。
3。汽车的问题：虽然一直在降价，还是贵。汽车贵，贵在了花同样的钱，肯定买不到同样品质的车。
当然，国内可以买到廉价质劣的汽车，不过海龟如果这样就太掉价了。养车贵。而且由于政府没有credit，你不知道是不是当大量汽车到了老百姓手中的时候，政府就开始收各式各样的费用了。使得养车的成本加大。以我多年的经验，我想这是肯定的。因此，也不敢买车。
4。房地产：个人感觉，北京的房价并不算高。还是在一个比较合理的价位，也是一个我能接受的价位。不过房屋质量差，物业服务差。使得实际上买房子的付出并没有的到应有的回报。买房子会遇到形形色色的陷阱。比如，买了房子，拿不到房本。这是一个很严重的问题，没有房本，就说明你没有房子的所有权。政府可以想收回去就收回去，你没有一点办法。我就奇怪了，既然你政府认为开发商的房子没有资格办房本，为什么还允许他们卖呢？既然老百姓买了房子，为什么不给办房本？总之，无论什么情况，都是老百姓吃亏。政府不监督开发商，开发商出了问题，老百姓来买单。其实，政府，开发商都是一丘之貉。
5。养孩子问题：对于一个中国普通老百姓来说，养个孩子每月的花销是2000RMB以上。对于海龟，如果是外国国籍，那么费用会大大的增加。本来想的挺好，不行就把孩子弄到老家去养。可是，自己都不能忍受老家的环境，怎么能忍心让孩子在那里？对于养孩子，政府没有一点点的责任心。你会说，养个孩子要 2000，那么很多人都挣不了2000，怎么养？其实，2000是一个基本的消费，你当然可以给孩子低消费。可是你不怕孩子吃到毒奶粉吗？
现在也有了再回去的心了，可是想到加拿大也觉得很没意思。我想做海龟真的只是应该两类人，
1。国内有根基，回去创业。
2。国外的Loser。
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
The College Crunch: Why Getting In Has Gotten So Tough
http://www.businessweek.com/magazine/content/07_16/b4030065.htm?chan=search
For many American families, March Madness refers not to a basketball tournament but to the ever-increasing anxiety in the weeks before colleges mail their acceptance letters. As dean of admissions at a prominent U.S. university, I hear the complaints firsthand. Last week my office sent disappointing news to more than 15,000 students—including almost 800 valedictorians—applying for admission to Duke University.
With the second-highest number of applicants in our history (19,170 for only 1,665 spaces), we had little choice. And my school is not unique. Record numbers of students are applying to record numbers of schools. So many students—not just good ones, but exceptional ones—are getting rejected by so many colleges. That has caused many students and parents to feel the whole college-admissions process is high-stakes, random, or unfair.
In fact, it is far from random, and it helps to look at how the process evolved. In the 1980s, all of us working in college admissions were petrified at the then-declining number of 18-year-olds. There was talk of colleges closing because there wouldn't be enough students to fill the available slots. So we all ramped up recruiting, more students applied, and most colleges survived intact. In fact, they thrived. And we all learned that a larger pool of applicants yielded a more talented and engaged class that was closer to our ideal. So nobody wanted to turn back the clock; if anything, we increased recruitment even more. As a result, the past 20 years have seen a jump in the number of college applications far exceeding the rise in the number of 18-year-olds. And colleges don't expect to reduce their recruiting efforts anytime soon.
Recently, a self-perpetuating element has come into play as well: Selective colleges attract more applicants simply by virtue of their ever-increasing selectivity. And anxious students, less certain of their chances, apply to more colleges, resulting in even greater selectivity at a wider number of colleges—and more anxiety.
Ultimately the admissions process lies (somewhat uncomfortably) at the intersection of the interests and aspirations of individuals, institutions, and society. We should not be surprised that both applicants and colleges act in their own self-interest, just as we expect businesses to compete, consumers to be savvy, and society to allow as much choice as possible. And most admissions staff consider a wide range of factors in the admissions process, a task more complex and personal, and less predictable, than admitting students on the basis of their academic work alone.
That's not all bad. For years, many of us have made a conscious effort to bring together on campus students of varying backgrounds, values, and experiences, enhancing their education and their preparation for the real world. We've worried about pricing out the middle class. And, keenly aware that the admissions process does not take place on a level playing field, colleges have been more active in reaching out to talented students who might otherwise be overlooked. This expanded access has meant more competition for a relatively fixed number of slots at some schools.
Still, we in admissions need to support the calls for colleges to be more transparent in their decisions and more reasonable in their expectations of students, for parents to help their children relax a bit, and for high schools to focus more on the process of education than just the results.
Finally, we need to remind ourselves that the media's focus on a very small number of so-called elite colleges and the public's obsession with seemingly objective college rankings, dramatically distort the public's understanding and appreciation of the many exceptional opportunities for higher education available in our country. There are dozens, if not scores, of good options for virtually every student who wants to go to college. Every senior can find more than a few colleges that would be comfortable, challenging, and affordable. The more we keep this in mind, the easier it will be to remember that the quality of an education has more to do with a student's work than with a college's name. The beneficiaries, of course, will be our children.
Nickname: mm
Review: As a Duke grad, father of a Duke grad and of another student accepted at Duke this year, I have an acute understanding of this issue. It is not only the panic for selectivity that causes application creep. The cost of an elite education has grown far beyond the growth of inflation and wages. I am not poor, but $50,000 a year is a huge burden for our family. My son applied to 12 schools in search of a financial package that would allow him to graduate with a manageable debt. Colleges must lead the way to find affordable loans and grants to make college possible for many thousands of students who are being burdened unconscionably.
Date reviewed: Apr 9, 2007 7:35 PM
Nickname: BarryMelrose
Review: Another self-serving piece by yet another admission guy that tells readers nothing, while managing to sneak in his message about how selective his school is. It's marketing, not journalism and Duke U. should be sent a bill, just like all the other advertisers.
Date reviewed: Apr 9, 2007 7:15 PM
Nickname: Finn McCool
Review: Mr. Guttentag's final paragraph should be required reading for high school seniors and their parents. Riding in to work on a Boston area commuter boat this morning I overheard a group of 40-something dads bemoaning their son/daughter's angst over not getting into this or that "elite" college. I literally snorted a laugh...but otherwise restrained myself. Many of these kids would doubtless find this Commonwealth's world-class public university a marvelous option -- brimming with new experiences and academic programs that are - in fact - far superior to many of the so-called "prestigous" private schools in the region. But thanks to the ridiculous rankings racket they overlook it and get caught up in the destructive, delusional, and obscenely expensive rat race that is now the college application process. Let's call it for what it is: baseless snobbery.
Date reviewed: Apr 9, 2007 1:35 PM
Nickname: Peter
Review: Thank you for your article. Can you outline what you are doing to fulfill your pledge to "support the calls for colleges to be more transparent in their decisions and more reasonable in their expectations of students, for parents to help their children relax a bit, and for high schools to focus more on the process of education than just the results"? Can you cite (without naming) a student who got into Duke who had no outstanding talent or connections or potential donor family, and did well but not excellent and not extensively involved in extracurriculars?
Date reviewed: Apr 9, 2007 5:01 AM
Nickname: castlebuilder
Review: We are paying tutors $$$ to teach children standardized tests; teachers are creating course content geared to AP tests and children and their parents are feeling increasing pressure to create 'resumes' instead of building sandcastles and dreams. What happened to playing out side after school? Downtime? Good old vegging out? I certainly don't know many adults who want to be in their office from 8am until 11PM...so why do we expect our children to go to school, have several hours of after school sports and or activities and then several more hours of homework?? Drink anyone? They are.....no wonder. All so they can get into the college that makes their parents feel good? Is this really necessary for preparing for college?
Date reviewed: Apr 9, 2007 2:40 AM
Nickname: Jim
Review: Students need to think outside the box when selecting where to go to University. Bill Gates, Mr. Kroc ( MCDonalds)and Bono are proof that where you go to school does NOT determine your success since they did not have a Degree. It is what you do not where you study.
Date reviewed: Apr 8, 2007 7:18 PM
Nickname: candide
Review: All one needs for a good college education is: a competent faculty, a good library, and a conducive environment. Top colleges are not necessarily the best but students and especially their parents want the advantages of top colleges: contacts with influential people and job possibilities. The whole system is corrupt and parents are to blame as much as any other group.
Date reviewed: Apr 7, 2007 6:21 PM
Nickname: anand
Review: sir you talking about a ratio or about 1 in 12 students getting admitted for the college in India where I am from to get through elite institutes of global repute we have a ratio of about 1 in 450+ ....
Date reviewed: Apr 7, 2007 2:32 PM
For many American families, March Madness refers not to a basketball tournament but to the ever-increasing anxiety in the weeks before colleges mail their acceptance letters. As dean of admissions at a prominent U.S. university, I hear the complaints firsthand. Last week my office sent disappointing news to more than 15,000 students—including almost 800 valedictorians—applying for admission to Duke University.
With the second-highest number of applicants in our history (19,170 for only 1,665 spaces), we had little choice. And my school is not unique. Record numbers of students are applying to record numbers of schools. So many students—not just good ones, but exceptional ones—are getting rejected by so many colleges. That has caused many students and parents to feel the whole college-admissions process is high-stakes, random, or unfair.
In fact, it is far from random, and it helps to look at how the process evolved. In the 1980s, all of us working in college admissions were petrified at the then-declining number of 18-year-olds. There was talk of colleges closing because there wouldn't be enough students to fill the available slots. So we all ramped up recruiting, more students applied, and most colleges survived intact. In fact, they thrived. And we all learned that a larger pool of applicants yielded a more talented and engaged class that was closer to our ideal. So nobody wanted to turn back the clock; if anything, we increased recruitment even more. As a result, the past 20 years have seen a jump in the number of college applications far exceeding the rise in the number of 18-year-olds. And colleges don't expect to reduce their recruiting efforts anytime soon.
Recently, a self-perpetuating element has come into play as well: Selective colleges attract more applicants simply by virtue of their ever-increasing selectivity. And anxious students, less certain of their chances, apply to more colleges, resulting in even greater selectivity at a wider number of colleges—and more anxiety.
Ultimately the admissions process lies (somewhat uncomfortably) at the intersection of the interests and aspirations of individuals, institutions, and society. We should not be surprised that both applicants and colleges act in their own self-interest, just as we expect businesses to compete, consumers to be savvy, and society to allow as much choice as possible. And most admissions staff consider a wide range of factors in the admissions process, a task more complex and personal, and less predictable, than admitting students on the basis of their academic work alone.
That's not all bad. For years, many of us have made a conscious effort to bring together on campus students of varying backgrounds, values, and experiences, enhancing their education and their preparation for the real world. We've worried about pricing out the middle class. And, keenly aware that the admissions process does not take place on a level playing field, colleges have been more active in reaching out to talented students who might otherwise be overlooked. This expanded access has meant more competition for a relatively fixed number of slots at some schools.
Still, we in admissions need to support the calls for colleges to be more transparent in their decisions and more reasonable in their expectations of students, for parents to help their children relax a bit, and for high schools to focus more on the process of education than just the results.
Finally, we need to remind ourselves that the media's focus on a very small number of so-called elite colleges and the public's obsession with seemingly objective college rankings, dramatically distort the public's understanding and appreciation of the many exceptional opportunities for higher education available in our country. There are dozens, if not scores, of good options for virtually every student who wants to go to college. Every senior can find more than a few colleges that would be comfortable, challenging, and affordable. The more we keep this in mind, the easier it will be to remember that the quality of an education has more to do with a student's work than with a college's name. The beneficiaries, of course, will be our children.
Nickname: mm
Review: As a Duke grad, father of a Duke grad and of another student accepted at Duke this year, I have an acute understanding of this issue. It is not only the panic for selectivity that causes application creep. The cost of an elite education has grown far beyond the growth of inflation and wages. I am not poor, but $50,000 a year is a huge burden for our family. My son applied to 12 schools in search of a financial package that would allow him to graduate with a manageable debt. Colleges must lead the way to find affordable loans and grants to make college possible for many thousands of students who are being burdened unconscionably.
Date reviewed: Apr 9, 2007 7:35 PM
Nickname: BarryMelrose
Review: Another self-serving piece by yet another admission guy that tells readers nothing, while managing to sneak in his message about how selective his school is. It's marketing, not journalism and Duke U. should be sent a bill, just like all the other advertisers.
Date reviewed: Apr 9, 2007 7:15 PM
Nickname: Finn McCool
Review: Mr. Guttentag's final paragraph should be required reading for high school seniors and their parents. Riding in to work on a Boston area commuter boat this morning I overheard a group of 40-something dads bemoaning their son/daughter's angst over not getting into this or that "elite" college. I literally snorted a laugh...but otherwise restrained myself. Many of these kids would doubtless find this Commonwealth's world-class public university a marvelous option -- brimming with new experiences and academic programs that are - in fact - far superior to many of the so-called "prestigous" private schools in the region. But thanks to the ridiculous rankings racket they overlook it and get caught up in the destructive, delusional, and obscenely expensive rat race that is now the college application process. Let's call it for what it is: baseless snobbery.
Date reviewed: Apr 9, 2007 1:35 PM
Nickname: Peter
Review: Thank you for your article. Can you outline what you are doing to fulfill your pledge to "support the calls for colleges to be more transparent in their decisions and more reasonable in their expectations of students, for parents to help their children relax a bit, and for high schools to focus more on the process of education than just the results"? Can you cite (without naming) a student who got into Duke who had no outstanding talent or connections or potential donor family, and did well but not excellent and not extensively involved in extracurriculars?
Date reviewed: Apr 9, 2007 5:01 AM
Nickname: castlebuilder
Review: We are paying tutors $$$ to teach children standardized tests; teachers are creating course content geared to AP tests and children and their parents are feeling increasing pressure to create 'resumes' instead of building sandcastles and dreams. What happened to playing out side after school? Downtime? Good old vegging out? I certainly don't know many adults who want to be in their office from 8am until 11PM...so why do we expect our children to go to school, have several hours of after school sports and or activities and then several more hours of homework?? Drink anyone? They are.....no wonder. All so they can get into the college that makes their parents feel good? Is this really necessary for preparing for college?
Date reviewed: Apr 9, 2007 2:40 AM
Nickname: Jim
Review: Students need to think outside the box when selecting where to go to University. Bill Gates, Mr. Kroc ( MCDonalds)and Bono are proof that where you go to school does NOT determine your success since they did not have a Degree. It is what you do not where you study.
Date reviewed: Apr 8, 2007 7:18 PM
Nickname: candide
Review: All one needs for a good college education is: a competent faculty, a good library, and a conducive environment. Top colleges are not necessarily the best but students and especially their parents want the advantages of top colleges: contacts with influential people and job possibilities. The whole system is corrupt and parents are to blame as much as any other group.
Date reviewed: Apr 7, 2007 6:21 PM
Nickname: anand
Review: sir you talking about a ratio or about 1 in 12 students getting admitted for the college in India where I am from to get through elite institutes of global repute we have a ratio of about 1 in 450+ ....
Date reviewed: Apr 7, 2007 2:32 PM
ZT: High Anxiety of Getting Into College
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/04/08/nyregion/nyregionspecial2/08wecol.html?_r=1&oref=slogin
A HIGH school senior was fighting back tears in her guidance counselor’s office. Despite her 92 average, the girl had been rejected by her top three college choices. Another senior, already clad in a new Northwestern T-shirt, interrupted to give his counselor a thumbs-up. He was in.
And so it has gone over the last few weeks, as colleges send their decisions and counselors console, cheer up and otherwise try to help this year’s seniors navigate the end of the admissions process.
“It’s a bittersweet time,” said Susan Buchman, a counselor at Byram Hills High School in Armonk. “You get some kids who are ecstatic because they got into their first choice school, and then there are disappointments. And you get parents who are very upset. They were hoping their kid was going to get into a certain school so that they could put the sticker on the car.”
Ms. Buchman tries to explain to families that the second- or third-choice college is also a wonderful place, that the child will make friends, get a good education and life will go on. In six months, that first choice will be a vague memory.
But given all the angst surrounding college admissions, it can be a difficult message to sell. Emotions run high this season, and the anxiety level is testament to a process that many educators believe has spiraled out of control.
The frenzy over college admissions is well known. Stories abound about overstressed students who race from Japanese calligraphy classes to hockey practice to SAT tutors. Anecdotes about out-of-control parents — who write college essays, monopolize questions at college information sessions and hound their children to make every moment a résumé-building one — are plentiful.
Those aren’t even the really crazy ones. One Westchester guidance counselor described a student who was applying to a college that required a graded high school paper. The child brought in an “A” essay with many enthusiastic teacher comments. The counselor took a closer look and asked why the teacher had written comments in two different inks. It turned out that the student’s mother had added a few thoughts of her own.
It’s easy to criticize parents for the current state of affairs, but you can also point to other culprits — the infamous college rankings, ambitious high schools, colleges that brag about all the students with perfect SAT scores whom they reject, colleges that market themselves aggressively and then proudly declare low admission rates, and a culture that values performance over character.
However you allocate the culpability, though, there is a growing sense that it’s time to return some sanity to the process. Merilee Jones, dean of admissions at M.I.T., has made this her mission. Recently, she addressed 160 school counselors at a meeting of the Westchester Putnam Rockland Counseling Association in White Plains. When Bob Sweeney, a counselor at Mamaroneck High School, introduced her, he said, “You just flew into the Bermuda Triangle of stressed-out guidance counselors, overstressed kids and unrealistic parents with high expectations.”
Ms. Jones laughed, but she was serious about her message to the counselors (and, at a later meeting, to parents at Byram Hills High School): she is worried about the toll the application madness takes on today’s children, whom she describes as “the most anxious, sleep-deprived, steeped-in-stress, judged, tested, poorly nourished generation.”
These teenagers, she said, are being raised to please adults and held to impossible standards. They are loaded down with A.P. classes and expected to participate in multiple extracurricular activities, demonstrate leadership, garner high SAT scores and, on top of that, have a “passion,” a buzzword in college admissions. “It’s ridiculous to expect that of them,” Ms. Jones said. “Most teenagers have no passions at all, except sex.”
The pressure is literally making children sick, Ms. Jones said, citing increases in everything from eating disorders to depression. Her call to arms: reel in the pressure and start changing the culture. Parents need to back off. Children need downtime. High schools need to lower the pressure. Colleges need to be straight with teenagers.
Most counselors embraced the message. Mr. Sweeney described Ms. Jones as “the voice of reason and sanity in the middle of all this craziness.”
But the culture isn’t going to be easy to crack. Barbara Leifer-Sarullo, director of counseling at Scarsdale High School, said that in the college competition, parents were victims as much as children.
“A few years ago, I had a parent who was outraged because I didn’t tell him his kid needed a math tutor,” she said. “He told me, ‘Here my kid is climbing Mount Everest himself, and everyone else has a Sherpa.’ He felt like he was a bad parent.”
E-mail: westweek@nytimes.com
Correction: April 15, 2007
A HIGH school senior was fighting back tears in her guidance counselor’s office. Despite her 92 average, the girl had been rejected by her top three college choices. Another senior, already clad in a new Northwestern T-shirt, interrupted to give his counselor a thumbs-up. He was in.
And so it has gone over the last few weeks, as colleges send their decisions and counselors console, cheer up and otherwise try to help this year’s seniors navigate the end of the admissions process.
“It’s a bittersweet time,” said Susan Buchman, a counselor at Byram Hills High School in Armonk. “You get some kids who are ecstatic because they got into their first choice school, and then there are disappointments. And you get parents who are very upset. They were hoping their kid was going to get into a certain school so that they could put the sticker on the car.”
Ms. Buchman tries to explain to families that the second- or third-choice college is also a wonderful place, that the child will make friends, get a good education and life will go on. In six months, that first choice will be a vague memory.
But given all the angst surrounding college admissions, it can be a difficult message to sell. Emotions run high this season, and the anxiety level is testament to a process that many educators believe has spiraled out of control.
The frenzy over college admissions is well known. Stories abound about overstressed students who race from Japanese calligraphy classes to hockey practice to SAT tutors. Anecdotes about out-of-control parents — who write college essays, monopolize questions at college information sessions and hound their children to make every moment a résumé-building one — are plentiful.
Those aren’t even the really crazy ones. One Westchester guidance counselor described a student who was applying to a college that required a graded high school paper. The child brought in an “A” essay with many enthusiastic teacher comments. The counselor took a closer look and asked why the teacher had written comments in two different inks. It turned out that the student’s mother had added a few thoughts of her own.
It’s easy to criticize parents for the current state of affairs, but you can also point to other culprits — the infamous college rankings, ambitious high schools, colleges that brag about all the students with perfect SAT scores whom they reject, colleges that market themselves aggressively and then proudly declare low admission rates, and a culture that values performance over character.
However you allocate the culpability, though, there is a growing sense that it’s time to return some sanity to the process. Merilee Jones, dean of admissions at M.I.T., has made this her mission. Recently, she addressed 160 school counselors at a meeting of the Westchester Putnam Rockland Counseling Association in White Plains. When Bob Sweeney, a counselor at Mamaroneck High School, introduced her, he said, “You just flew into the Bermuda Triangle of stressed-out guidance counselors, overstressed kids and unrealistic parents with high expectations.”
Ms. Jones laughed, but she was serious about her message to the counselors (and, at a later meeting, to parents at Byram Hills High School): she is worried about the toll the application madness takes on today’s children, whom she describes as “the most anxious, sleep-deprived, steeped-in-stress, judged, tested, poorly nourished generation.”
These teenagers, she said, are being raised to please adults and held to impossible standards. They are loaded down with A.P. classes and expected to participate in multiple extracurricular activities, demonstrate leadership, garner high SAT scores and, on top of that, have a “passion,” a buzzword in college admissions. “It’s ridiculous to expect that of them,” Ms. Jones said. “Most teenagers have no passions at all, except sex.”
The pressure is literally making children sick, Ms. Jones said, citing increases in everything from eating disorders to depression. Her call to arms: reel in the pressure and start changing the culture. Parents need to back off. Children need downtime. High schools need to lower the pressure. Colleges need to be straight with teenagers.
Most counselors embraced the message. Mr. Sweeney described Ms. Jones as “the voice of reason and sanity in the middle of all this craziness.”
But the culture isn’t going to be easy to crack. Barbara Leifer-Sarullo, director of counseling at Scarsdale High School, said that in the college competition, parents were victims as much as children.
“A few years ago, I had a parent who was outraged because I didn’t tell him his kid needed a math tutor,” she said. “He told me, ‘Here my kid is climbing Mount Everest himself, and everyone else has a Sherpa.’ He felt like he was a bad parent.”
E-mail: westweek@nytimes.com
Correction: April 15, 2007
Monday, January 28, 2008
ZT: 美国公司潜规则
http://news.creaders.net/headline/newsViewer.php?nid=333139&id=777067&dcid=21
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京华论坛 2008-01-28 09:49:37
我没能在美国圆我的教授梦，转而进了公司。乍一进公司感到很好，一是省了不少脑子，工作时间也大大减少，一下班便把活搁下了；二是工资比学校高，似乎是两全其美的事。我还发现我花了7年读博士是犯了大错误。如我当时去读比较实用的专业，花个一年两年的，毕业后抢手得不得了，工资还高。偏偏我去了偏僻的大学城，在象牙塔一蹲就是7年，信息不通，光阴虚掷，出来已换了人间，还要因年龄而遭受歧视。
在美国的公司呆了一段，才发现我的想法太天真。美国的企业文化全然不是美国民主社会的缩影，倒更像个兵营，等级森严，下级服从上级，老板一言堂，毫无民主自由可言。真的，在美国公司里不顺从是可以记过和开除的“恶劣行为”（我一同事就因此受到处份）。这比国内单位里不自由多了。国内单位里你不买领导账顶多升不上去，还不能处罚你（除非给你找别的罪状），更不能开除你。我就跟我以前的系主任吵过，也没太大了不得。美国公司还有无尽的极险恶复杂的权术，比国内单位有过之无不及，像“文化大革命”搞阶级斗争一样，只是更隐蔽更虚伪，加上各种有形无形的歧视，比国内单位难多了。
后来我看了些讲企业中权术的书，才知道美国的公司是照军队建构的，好多公司的头儿都是当年二战过来的，并秉承了WASP（white anglo-saxen people）的清教价值观。这些公司为男性白人把持，呈金字塔形，而金字塔形又是男性生殖器的象征，故它也代表了父权。公司第一看重的是对这一金字塔结构的服从，而不是个人的才智、能力和创造。你可能才能超人，颇具独创，为公司立下汗马功劳，但一旦你威胁了这个金字塔的稳固，你就得被拔掉。另一个平庸之辈，靠了会迎合上级（这就是维护金字塔结构）或私人背景（某某大头某某股东的亲戚朋友），可以毫不费力地爬到你上面去。
你如是个有色人种机会就明显少了，你要是个讲话带口音的外国人更糟，你要碰巧是女的呢那就惨绝。你要是那种小女人类型的还好，只要你有工作许可，有一个时下热门专业的学历或工作经历，你总可以找到一份能让你过上比10年20年前中国生活好上十倍百倍的工作，因为高新技术工业中廉价的劳动力在眼下美国蓬勃的经济形势下求大于供，美国人合格的不多，这杯羹便能分到外国少数民族移民手中。如果你的人生奋斗仅此而已，你也许不会太失望。但你如不满足于此呢？我认识的许多女性，她们能干，肯干，并想得到相应的承认和提升，她们就要大失所望了。我认识的比较成功的亚裔女士，在辛辛苦苦卓有成效地干了10年20年后只得到微小的提升，近乎原地踏步。
我的美国女性同事也常常抱怨女性升不上去，我一个美国白人同事告诉我，由于她年龄大了，又过于肥胖，她跟我是处境相同。还有更绝的，我的一位不老也不肥胖的男性白人同事跟我抱怨在美国公司里像他这样的单身常常要招来怀疑，他面试过50来家公司，大部份一知道他是单身就没了下文，他甚至绝望到要去买个结婚戒指带上。他说男性白人必须是拉家带口的那种才能让人信任。我揶揄他是否无病呻吟，他不高兴地说你得是个单身男性白人你才会体会到那种歧视。
他还说，统计数字表明，身高长相和收入之间有正关联，个子高长得精神的容易升上去。不过我以为这也只适用于男性白人。你如是女性，你的美貌反而会带来灾难。别人很容易会认为你是绣花枕头一类的，你的才智被人漠视，而你的外表却会为你带来那些好色而缺乏道德约束的男上司和男同事的骚扰。你如拒绝让他们享受你的姿色，你保住了你的尊严，但你也失去了任何晋升的希望，而且等着你的可能是降级炒鱿鱼一类的报复。尤其当你是亚裔女性时，美国人是非常以成见套人的，他们观念中的东方女子都是温柔驯服的，作为高你一等的白男人对你垂青你理当受宠若惊才对，你要给他说不他真要气癫了。如果你愿意以色相换取机会，那么你往往还是要吃亏。
一旦主子为了保自己的地位或对你的姿色倒了胃口（这些主子的胃口还尤其变得快，你的青春美貌还尤其难以永驻），那他会像过期的压仓货似的把你卖掉，那时的境况就更不堪设想了。我就见过一个美国女同事大施美人计，成天穿着袒胸露背的紧身衣紧身裤，与上司和男同事嬉笑挑逗，摩肩擦踵，一时间她的办工隔间里蜂蝶翻飞，莺燕温语，工资马上窜上6位数字，尽管她只是个高中毕业的女销售员。可好景不长，过了没两年老板就让她走了。
在美国的公司里混了3年多后，我终于明白了我绝大多数同学都不愿去公司工作的原因，他们赖在学院教职市场上，一年找不到教职再等一年，有的等上个三四年的。其原因不只是教职比较受人尊敬，也相对比较自由。来读研究生的，尤其能读到博士学位的大多有点怪，性格比较孤傲，思想比较自由，不愿受管束，这种人追求高学历就是为了避免去公司工作，因此一毕业只瞄准academic job，公司的工作看也不看，情愿失业。
我是个知识分子，我也憧憬文化人的生活，想当个作家学者什么的，可我得生存。前一阵，我成了失业大军的一员，心急火燎地找工作。我的工作倒不难找，工资更高的也有，但我不愿离开本地，因为有年幼小孩要照顾，这样就麻烦了。乾等了一个半月总算有个合适的了，也真叫碰运气，老板和我一样是个冷门专业的女博士。失业的滋味我是尝过了，使我不得不把生存放在理想之上。
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京华论坛 2008-01-28 09:49:37
我没能在美国圆我的教授梦，转而进了公司。乍一进公司感到很好，一是省了不少脑子，工作时间也大大减少，一下班便把活搁下了；二是工资比学校高，似乎是两全其美的事。我还发现我花了7年读博士是犯了大错误。如我当时去读比较实用的专业，花个一年两年的，毕业后抢手得不得了，工资还高。偏偏我去了偏僻的大学城，在象牙塔一蹲就是7年，信息不通，光阴虚掷，出来已换了人间，还要因年龄而遭受歧视。
在美国的公司呆了一段，才发现我的想法太天真。美国的企业文化全然不是美国民主社会的缩影，倒更像个兵营，等级森严，下级服从上级，老板一言堂，毫无民主自由可言。真的，在美国公司里不顺从是可以记过和开除的“恶劣行为”（我一同事就因此受到处份）。这比国内单位里不自由多了。国内单位里你不买领导账顶多升不上去，还不能处罚你（除非给你找别的罪状），更不能开除你。我就跟我以前的系主任吵过，也没太大了不得。美国公司还有无尽的极险恶复杂的权术，比国内单位有过之无不及，像“文化大革命”搞阶级斗争一样，只是更隐蔽更虚伪，加上各种有形无形的歧视，比国内单位难多了。
后来我看了些讲企业中权术的书，才知道美国的公司是照军队建构的，好多公司的头儿都是当年二战过来的，并秉承了WASP（white anglo-saxen people）的清教价值观。这些公司为男性白人把持，呈金字塔形，而金字塔形又是男性生殖器的象征，故它也代表了父权。公司第一看重的是对这一金字塔结构的服从，而不是个人的才智、能力和创造。你可能才能超人，颇具独创，为公司立下汗马功劳，但一旦你威胁了这个金字塔的稳固，你就得被拔掉。另一个平庸之辈，靠了会迎合上级（这就是维护金字塔结构）或私人背景（某某大头某某股东的亲戚朋友），可以毫不费力地爬到你上面去。
你如是个有色人种机会就明显少了，你要是个讲话带口音的外国人更糟，你要碰巧是女的呢那就惨绝。你要是那种小女人类型的还好，只要你有工作许可，有一个时下热门专业的学历或工作经历，你总可以找到一份能让你过上比10年20年前中国生活好上十倍百倍的工作，因为高新技术工业中廉价的劳动力在眼下美国蓬勃的经济形势下求大于供，美国人合格的不多，这杯羹便能分到外国少数民族移民手中。如果你的人生奋斗仅此而已，你也许不会太失望。但你如不满足于此呢？我认识的许多女性，她们能干，肯干，并想得到相应的承认和提升，她们就要大失所望了。我认识的比较成功的亚裔女士，在辛辛苦苦卓有成效地干了10年20年后只得到微小的提升，近乎原地踏步。
我的美国女性同事也常常抱怨女性升不上去，我一个美国白人同事告诉我，由于她年龄大了，又过于肥胖，她跟我是处境相同。还有更绝的，我的一位不老也不肥胖的男性白人同事跟我抱怨在美国公司里像他这样的单身常常要招来怀疑，他面试过50来家公司，大部份一知道他是单身就没了下文，他甚至绝望到要去买个结婚戒指带上。他说男性白人必须是拉家带口的那种才能让人信任。我揶揄他是否无病呻吟，他不高兴地说你得是个单身男性白人你才会体会到那种歧视。
他还说，统计数字表明，身高长相和收入之间有正关联，个子高长得精神的容易升上去。不过我以为这也只适用于男性白人。你如是女性，你的美貌反而会带来灾难。别人很容易会认为你是绣花枕头一类的，你的才智被人漠视，而你的外表却会为你带来那些好色而缺乏道德约束的男上司和男同事的骚扰。你如拒绝让他们享受你的姿色，你保住了你的尊严，但你也失去了任何晋升的希望，而且等着你的可能是降级炒鱿鱼一类的报复。尤其当你是亚裔女性时，美国人是非常以成见套人的，他们观念中的东方女子都是温柔驯服的，作为高你一等的白男人对你垂青你理当受宠若惊才对，你要给他说不他真要气癫了。如果你愿意以色相换取机会，那么你往往还是要吃亏。
一旦主子为了保自己的地位或对你的姿色倒了胃口（这些主子的胃口还尤其变得快，你的青春美貌还尤其难以永驻），那他会像过期的压仓货似的把你卖掉，那时的境况就更不堪设想了。我就见过一个美国女同事大施美人计，成天穿着袒胸露背的紧身衣紧身裤，与上司和男同事嬉笑挑逗，摩肩擦踵，一时间她的办工隔间里蜂蝶翻飞，莺燕温语，工资马上窜上6位数字，尽管她只是个高中毕业的女销售员。可好景不长，过了没两年老板就让她走了。
在美国的公司里混了3年多后，我终于明白了我绝大多数同学都不愿去公司工作的原因，他们赖在学院教职市场上，一年找不到教职再等一年，有的等上个三四年的。其原因不只是教职比较受人尊敬，也相对比较自由。来读研究生的，尤其能读到博士学位的大多有点怪，性格比较孤傲，思想比较自由，不愿受管束，这种人追求高学历就是为了避免去公司工作，因此一毕业只瞄准academic job，公司的工作看也不看，情愿失业。
我是个知识分子，我也憧憬文化人的生活，想当个作家学者什么的，可我得生存。前一阵，我成了失业大军的一员，心急火燎地找工作。我的工作倒不难找，工资更高的也有，但我不愿离开本地，因为有年幼小孩要照顾，这样就麻烦了。乾等了一个半月总算有个合适的了，也真叫碰运气，老板和我一样是个冷门专业的女博士。失业的滋味我是尝过了，使我不得不把生存放在理想之上。
Friday, January 25, 2008
ZT: Career Advices
You do your job and, as far as you're concerned, you do it well. But if your latest salary bump wasn't as big as you'd hoped, you might be committing one of the seven deadly salary sins.
"Your reputation [at work] is based on trust," emphasizes career coach Agnes Mura, president of Agnes Mura, Inc. "And trust is based on competence, character, and consistency. So etiquette goes way beyond and much more deeply than the surface." Not only can bad etiquette cost you your reputation, it can cost you jobs and promotions, Mura notes.
Payscale.com asked Mura to share the top workplace sins that can put you on the etiquette hit list.
Gossiping
Got a hot piece of office gossip? You may want to keep it to yourself. Relationships are delicate, and sometimes a wrong can never be made right. "Speak well of staff including your own colleagues," Mura emphasizes. Always look for the positive and try to be supportive of coworkers.
Obnoxious or Profane Comments
Playing a loose cannon and using profanity with coworkers is a quick way to lose friends, a salary increase, or even your job. Refrain from tasteless jokes, emails, or comments at work or work-related events. And if it has anything at all to do with sex -- don't say it. Communication should always be emotionally neutral and well thought out, Mura says.
Being Disruptive
No one wants to know your personal business or be blasted by sound that's not relevant to their work. Use a headset instead of speaker phone, earphones for music, and turn personal cell phones off or on silent. Noise from calls on speakerphone, vibrating or ringing cell phones, or being chatty can label you as annoying and disruptive. And no one wants that on their annual review.
======================================
More articles on PayScale.com:
* How to Get the Salary You Deserve
* Five Office Party Faux Pas and How to Avoid Them
* Flex Time: Where to Find It and How to Get It
======================================
Sending Angry Emails
Email is a blessing and a curse. Keep it from cursing you down the line by excluding personal, offensive, or hostile language. "If you have anything that has an emotional coloring to discuss, if it's difficult, delicate, if you've got a bit of attitude working about it, pick up the phone or go see people and don't put everything in writing, which you might regret," Mura says.
Dressing Inappropriately
Want your boss's job? Appearance implies a ton about your professionalism and capability; take cues from how someone senior to you dresses if you want to be considered for their level of responsibility.
"It's very important for people to make sure that their clothes fit. If it's too small, throw it out," says Mura. The same mantra applies if clothes are too long, too big, too revealing, falling apart, or just plain out of style. That goes for hair, nails, and makeup, too.
Bringing Germs to Work
Misery loves company, but your colleagues will hate you for it when it comes to illness. If you are sick, stay home. Separately, people do notice whether you wash your hands in the bathroom and keep secret tallies among the group (sorry, the sprinkle of water with no soap doesn't count). It's a gross faux pas in an office environment with its many shared surfaces, and handshaking and food opportunities.
Drinking Too Much
While it's tempting to party like a rock star, especially when it's on the company's tab, a professional environment is never the place to do it. The price you pay is often loss of respect. "There is no down time when you are with work colleagues," Mura explains. "I don't care if you are going on a field trip; I don't care if you are going dancing or if it's a party -- you are always in a glass house."
"Your reputation [at work] is based on trust," emphasizes career coach Agnes Mura, president of Agnes Mura, Inc. "And trust is based on competence, character, and consistency. So etiquette goes way beyond and much more deeply than the surface." Not only can bad etiquette cost you your reputation, it can cost you jobs and promotions, Mura notes.
Payscale.com asked Mura to share the top workplace sins that can put you on the etiquette hit list.
Gossiping
Got a hot piece of office gossip? You may want to keep it to yourself. Relationships are delicate, and sometimes a wrong can never be made right. "Speak well of staff including your own colleagues," Mura emphasizes. Always look for the positive and try to be supportive of coworkers.
Obnoxious or Profane Comments
Playing a loose cannon and using profanity with coworkers is a quick way to lose friends, a salary increase, or even your job. Refrain from tasteless jokes, emails, or comments at work or work-related events. And if it has anything at all to do with sex -- don't say it. Communication should always be emotionally neutral and well thought out, Mura says.
Being Disruptive
No one wants to know your personal business or be blasted by sound that's not relevant to their work. Use a headset instead of speaker phone, earphones for music, and turn personal cell phones off or on silent. Noise from calls on speakerphone, vibrating or ringing cell phones, or being chatty can label you as annoying and disruptive. And no one wants that on their annual review.
======================================
More articles on PayScale.com:
* How to Get the Salary You Deserve
* Five Office Party Faux Pas and How to Avoid Them
* Flex Time: Where to Find It and How to Get It
======================================
Sending Angry Emails
Email is a blessing and a curse. Keep it from cursing you down the line by excluding personal, offensive, or hostile language. "If you have anything that has an emotional coloring to discuss, if it's difficult, delicate, if you've got a bit of attitude working about it, pick up the phone or go see people and don't put everything in writing, which you might regret," Mura says.
Dressing Inappropriately
Want your boss's job? Appearance implies a ton about your professionalism and capability; take cues from how someone senior to you dresses if you want to be considered for their level of responsibility.
"It's very important for people to make sure that their clothes fit. If it's too small, throw it out," says Mura. The same mantra applies if clothes are too long, too big, too revealing, falling apart, or just plain out of style. That goes for hair, nails, and makeup, too.
Bringing Germs to Work
Misery loves company, but your colleagues will hate you for it when it comes to illness. If you are sick, stay home. Separately, people do notice whether you wash your hands in the bathroom and keep secret tallies among the group (sorry, the sprinkle of water with no soap doesn't count). It's a gross faux pas in an office environment with its many shared surfaces, and handshaking and food opportunities.
Drinking Too Much
While it's tempting to party like a rock star, especially when it's on the company's tab, a professional environment is never the place to do it. The price you pay is often loss of respect. "There is no down time when you are with work colleagues," Mura explains. "I don't care if you are going on a field trip; I don't care if you are going dancing or if it's a party -- you are always in a glass house."
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
ZT: 约 定
约 定 2008-01-13 20:57:39
http://blog.creaders.net/lAISHENG/user_blog_diary.php?did=15845
几日前，收到一封来自法国的信，打开信封，一张洁白的印着银铃的卡片，翻开卡片，好友雪晴穿着洁白的婚纱依偎在她新婚丈夫的身边，脸上洋溢着幸福的笑容。照片下面写着：我们结婚了，请祝福我们吧。
泪水涌入了我的眼睛，一种幸福的感觉在全身弥漫。雪晴，我当然要祝福你，因为我知道，这一天的到来对你来说，是多么的不容易。
雪晴，是我大学的同学，也是那时睡在我下铺的姐妹。刚进大学时，她剪着短短的头发，白净的脸上有一双大大的眼睛，高高瘦瘦的身材，朴实的衣着，我从一开始就喜欢她的淳朴，而这淳朴中，更有着一种从容和执著的味道，挺耐人寻味的。
雪晴学习非常刻苦，宿舍里上自习到最晚的是她，最早起去晨读的也是她。我常常逗她说：“雪晴啊，好不容易考上大学了，考上大学就意味着不用再刻苦念书了，要开始享受生活了。可以买买衣服啊，参加一些活动啊，当然了，呵呵，也可以谈谈恋爱。”雪晴也半开玩笑的对我说：“我可没有你浪漫啊，我这人啊，只会死念书的。”
虽然学校有雪晴这样的积极分子，但是绝大多数的学生还是属于我一样会享受生活的，我们宿舍甚至还有了这样的口号：“在保证学习成绩合格的前提下充分的享受生活。”其实，大学里的那点儿事儿，也无非就是哪个男生喜欢上哪个女生了，哪个女生看上哪个男生了，谁和谁出去吃了顿饭就叫约会了，然后晚上宿舍熄灯后就进行一下交流讨论会，把各自的最新见闻，加以描述，讨论后，大家都似懂非懂的总结出个什么东西来，然后各自进入梦乡。
那时，雪晴几乎从来不参加我们的讨论，她都只是听着，有时会和我们一起起哄笑笑，但表现出的是一副与爱情绝缘的姿态。其间有一个小插曲，也是这种姿态的最好的说明。
一天晚饭时，我们的班长，也是我们班为数不多的男生之一到了我们宿舍。居然是来找雪晴的，雪晴正在吃饭呢，班长也不管我们另外三个人六个耳朵都竖着呢，他把一封信交给雪晴，然后说：“哎哟，雪晴小姐啊，这是大三德语系的一位兄长，仰慕你已久，让我给你递一封信，你好好看看吧。”这下可好，竟然有人给雪晴写信啊，我们一下子围到了雪晴身边，所有的眼睛都盯着那封信。雪晴在众目睽睽下打开信，看到信上写了一句话：“今晚七点，能在星光球场和你聊聊吗？”
“雪晴，他约你哦，啊呀，星光球场唉，多浪漫啊。”我比雪晴要激动多了，呵呵，真是皇帝不急太监急。
“快去吧，雪晴，快到七点了。”“对对，快去啊，赶紧，这第一次约会，别迟到。”“什么别迟到，女生就应该晚点儿去。”大家七嘴八舌，你一句我一句的，一个比一个有主意。
“好啦，你们就别瞎激动了啊。”雪晴站起来，很认真的对我们说：“我现在就去。”
“哎哟，雪晴啊，你终于开窍了呀！”我一把抱住雪晴。现在想来真是很留恋学生时代同学之间的情谊，单纯的我们为了友情似乎就能把心都掏出来了。
那天雪晴是去了星光球场，可是结果怎样，她回来也不说，继续看书，继续学习。具体结果到了第二天午饭的时候，班长告诉我们的。雪晴在星光球场，跟那个男生绕着球场走了两圈，前后二十分钟就把那个男生彻底拒绝了，且拒绝之辞令人毫无颜面：“我以前没喜欢过你，现在也不喜欢，将来也绝不可能喜欢。”雪晴酷酷的语言，成了那晚我们打趣她的内容：“你怎么也不委婉一点呢？”“怎么能委婉，那不是给人家留希望吗？”“留点儿希望怕什么？”“那不行，这种事儿不行就是不行。”
大学生活就在一种青春不经意中慢慢的过着，年轻的我们欣喜的发现，除了学习以外，我们生活还有很多很多的内容。
雪晴，还是那样，没有传出任何的爱情故事，可是，作为和她住的最近的人，我还是发现了一些她的神秘。每周末，宿舍是不熄灯的，而雪晴总会在周末的晚上写信，信写的很长很长的，也很认真。而每隔一周她也总是会收到一封信，偶尔帮她取信时，总能发现都来自于同一个人，一样的笔迹。
我想，雪晴的秘密应该就是和这个通信的人有关的，普通的朋友哪里会这么长时间坚持这样的通信呢。但是，想归想了，我也没有机会去求证什么。
一天，雪晴又收到了来自那个笔迹的信。她看着信，而我看着她，看着看着，居然看到，她的眼泪掉下来了。
看完信，雪晴抬头看到了我惊异的表情，她还来不及擦掉脸上的眼泪就来不及的笑着对我说了一句足以令我目瞪口呆的话：“我终于知道了，他是喜欢我的。”
当晚，我们宿舍开会了，雪晴第一次将她的秘密和盘托出。这个和她通信的人，是从小和她一起长大的一个男孩子，名叫鲁鹰，现在正在南方另一座城市上大学。雪晴说：“我不知道这叫不叫爱，但是，从小到现在，我想象将来和谁在一起时，他的影子就会浮现在我眼前。上大学后，我们一直通信保持联系，寒暑假，我们见面。两年多了，我们互相交流着各自学习专业上的感受，也互相关照着要照顾好自己。可是我们从来就没有说明过喜欢彼此，所以，我一直不能确定他对我是怎样的感情。我一直不好意思问他，怕破坏了我们之间现有的状态。”
“哎哟，雪晴，原来你是最浪漫的哟，这种没有戳破窗户纸的美多朦胧啊。”一个室友感慨着。
“我都没觉得浪漫，也没想着什么朦胧，我想他也是一样的。大家都不好意思向对方证实什么。”雪晴的语言如同她的心思一样直白。“相反，我觉得那个过程挺痛苦的。所以，今天，我特别高兴，我终于弄清楚他的意思了。”
“那，你确定你弄清楚他的意思了吗？会不会搞错了呀？”我半开玩笑的逗她，“他写他喜欢你了吗？”
“没有，他没写他喜欢我。不过他说，我和他之间有一个心灵的约定。”雪晴笑眯眯的回答道。
雪晴比以往显得阳光了很多，毕竟，一份猜测徘徊了这么多年的感情得到了肯定，确实是一件很开心的事情。
在感受到雪晴恋爱开心的同时，我们还体会到了他们的爱的轰轰烈烈。那时，只有在宿舍二楼的小卖部才有一个公用电话，午饭或是晚饭时，我们便经常会听到管理员大声喊雪晴的名字，雪晴会丢下手中的饭，飞奔出去，等半个小时的电话缠绵后，往米饭里倒点开水，却被甜蜜的幸福感塞得满满的怎么吃不下饭了。每个周末晚上的写信，依然是必修课，信越写越长，经常写到凌晨一两点。
距离对相恋男女来说是一种折磨，可有时，因为距离，会让浪漫更加激情。
一个周五，因为父母都出差去了，我就留在学校里没有回家，正好还送一下雪晴，因为她要趁着周末去鲁鹰那里给他个惊喜，为了这个事儿，我们全寝室的人跟她筹划兴奋了一个星期。送她上了火车，我又回到了学校，天都已经黑了。我和另一个室友一边听着音乐，一边享受着周末的清闲。就在这时，宿舍门被人敲响了，我大声叫唤着：“进来，门没锁。”
门被静静的推开了，一个陌生的男生站在了我们面前。室友好奇的问：“你找谁啊？”那男生有些腼腆的回答：“我找雪晴。”
我和室友一听，不约而同的从凳子上跳了起来，睁大眼睛看着那个男生，心里的直觉已经在告诉我们，这个人是鲁鹰。但声音里还是很不置信的问道：“你是鲁鹰吗？”
“我是。”那回答正是符合我们的心思的。年轻可爱的我和室友啊，在沉默了两秒钟后，竟然发出了尖叫声，然后，我激动的结结巴巴的对他说：“雪…雪晴去…你…那里，看…看你去了。傍晚的火车。”
鲁鹰听后，说了声谢谢，没等我们来得及说第二句话，转身飞奔而去。后来，我们才知道，两人都为了给互相一个惊喜，都想到了去看对方，雪晴是坐火车去的，而鲁鹰是坐飞机来的。结果，鲁鹰又坐当晚最后一班飞机回去了，雪晴没有跟我们描述他们见面后的激动，但这事儿，在女生宿舍里轰轰烈烈的传颂了一阵子，雪晴那阵子也称了浪漫指数最高的人物。
时间的流逝是难以察觉的飞快。转眼到了大四，经历过大学生活的人们都该知道，大四时我们会因为各自前程而第一次感受到人生中“生离”的痛苦。那年，我和雪晴成了系里第一批出国深造的两个学生，走时，看到了很多学生情侣们为了各自前程而诀别分手的情形，心里也挺不是个滋味儿的。
为此，我没有问过雪晴她会如何对待和鲁鹰的更长距离相思问题，只觉得应该不会有结果了。
可是，雪晴和鲁鹰后来的表现是令我感慨的。雪晴在国外的头两年里，鲁鹰一边工作，一边在寻找出国机会，最终没有来成北美，去了德国，继续学习汽车设计。我看着这对苦鸳鸯啊平时拼命努力学习打工挣钱，然后将钱集中起来给雪晴买飞机票去德国两人见上一面呆上几周。我有时对雪晴说：“说实话，我作为外人，看看都辛苦，你们一定更辛苦哦。”但是从雪晴的表情中，我就只看到了执着。
鲁鹰毕业后，辗转德国，中国，法国，终于在法国一家汽车公司找到了一份稳定的待遇很好的工作。两人商量后，雪晴做出了惊人之举，她辞去了在北美很好的一份工作，放弃这里所有的一切，到了法国。她踏上法国的那天，距离他们第一次表白心声，整整过了九年。离开北美前，我和她有一次彻夜促膝谈心，其间，她对我说：“如今这个社会啊，大家都喜欢上了感情快餐，迷惑于速食的精美包装，却忘了内心的滋养。我并不能保证和鲁鹰的将来会怎样，但我真的很喜欢和他这心灵的约定，也真的很希望和他能有从一而终的美。”
如今，离那第九个年头，又是两年后了，目睹了这一场长相思奋战的我，听到他们结婚的消息，怎能不从心底感慨而激动。我祝福他们将约定变成了事实，也真心希望从一而终的美伴随他们一生。
在最近饱受婚外情和外遇文章侵袭的网络中，写下朋友的这段感情，愿给大家的心灵带去宁静，哪怕是片刻也好。
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作者：[匿名].昭君 留言时间：2008-01-13 23:20:19
来生：
谢谢又一个美好的爱的故事 -- 因为真实，更加美好，为雪晴这样如今少有的执着爱情的女孩祝福！
你描写的大学生活让我想起了我自己快二十年前的那些画面，很感触。我和老公也
是总共四五年的long distance 爱情长跑(认识他一个月后他就研究生毕业离开学校
了，而我还有一年半才毕业，然后我又分回家乡工作了两年，我们是后来到了美国才团聚的)。那时打长途电话可不像现在这样容易，我们经常要先发电报，约好当晚打电话的时间，然后我到约定的地方去接。等电话的时候的心情真复杂，期待，甜蜜，担心(要是打不过来怎么办？今晚不要想睡着觉了！)。。。 有时没有约好他就打电话来，我从四楼飞跑到传达室的那段路，那个幸福真是难以言表！也许什么时候可以把这
些陈年的故事也写下来，留给自己看看：)。
http://blog.creaders.net/lAISHENG/user_blog_diary.php?did=15845
几日前，收到一封来自法国的信，打开信封，一张洁白的印着银铃的卡片，翻开卡片，好友雪晴穿着洁白的婚纱依偎在她新婚丈夫的身边，脸上洋溢着幸福的笑容。照片下面写着：我们结婚了，请祝福我们吧。
泪水涌入了我的眼睛，一种幸福的感觉在全身弥漫。雪晴，我当然要祝福你，因为我知道，这一天的到来对你来说，是多么的不容易。
雪晴，是我大学的同学，也是那时睡在我下铺的姐妹。刚进大学时，她剪着短短的头发，白净的脸上有一双大大的眼睛，高高瘦瘦的身材，朴实的衣着，我从一开始就喜欢她的淳朴，而这淳朴中，更有着一种从容和执著的味道，挺耐人寻味的。
雪晴学习非常刻苦，宿舍里上自习到最晚的是她，最早起去晨读的也是她。我常常逗她说：“雪晴啊，好不容易考上大学了，考上大学就意味着不用再刻苦念书了，要开始享受生活了。可以买买衣服啊，参加一些活动啊，当然了，呵呵，也可以谈谈恋爱。”雪晴也半开玩笑的对我说：“我可没有你浪漫啊，我这人啊，只会死念书的。”
虽然学校有雪晴这样的积极分子，但是绝大多数的学生还是属于我一样会享受生活的，我们宿舍甚至还有了这样的口号：“在保证学习成绩合格的前提下充分的享受生活。”其实，大学里的那点儿事儿，也无非就是哪个男生喜欢上哪个女生了，哪个女生看上哪个男生了，谁和谁出去吃了顿饭就叫约会了，然后晚上宿舍熄灯后就进行一下交流讨论会，把各自的最新见闻，加以描述，讨论后，大家都似懂非懂的总结出个什么东西来，然后各自进入梦乡。
那时，雪晴几乎从来不参加我们的讨论，她都只是听着，有时会和我们一起起哄笑笑，但表现出的是一副与爱情绝缘的姿态。其间有一个小插曲，也是这种姿态的最好的说明。
一天晚饭时，我们的班长，也是我们班为数不多的男生之一到了我们宿舍。居然是来找雪晴的，雪晴正在吃饭呢，班长也不管我们另外三个人六个耳朵都竖着呢，他把一封信交给雪晴，然后说：“哎哟，雪晴小姐啊，这是大三德语系的一位兄长，仰慕你已久，让我给你递一封信，你好好看看吧。”这下可好，竟然有人给雪晴写信啊，我们一下子围到了雪晴身边，所有的眼睛都盯着那封信。雪晴在众目睽睽下打开信，看到信上写了一句话：“今晚七点，能在星光球场和你聊聊吗？”
“雪晴，他约你哦，啊呀，星光球场唉，多浪漫啊。”我比雪晴要激动多了，呵呵，真是皇帝不急太监急。
“快去吧，雪晴，快到七点了。”“对对，快去啊，赶紧，这第一次约会，别迟到。”“什么别迟到，女生就应该晚点儿去。”大家七嘴八舌，你一句我一句的，一个比一个有主意。
“好啦，你们就别瞎激动了啊。”雪晴站起来，很认真的对我们说：“我现在就去。”
“哎哟，雪晴啊，你终于开窍了呀！”我一把抱住雪晴。现在想来真是很留恋学生时代同学之间的情谊，单纯的我们为了友情似乎就能把心都掏出来了。
那天雪晴是去了星光球场，可是结果怎样，她回来也不说，继续看书，继续学习。具体结果到了第二天午饭的时候，班长告诉我们的。雪晴在星光球场，跟那个男生绕着球场走了两圈，前后二十分钟就把那个男生彻底拒绝了，且拒绝之辞令人毫无颜面：“我以前没喜欢过你，现在也不喜欢，将来也绝不可能喜欢。”雪晴酷酷的语言，成了那晚我们打趣她的内容：“你怎么也不委婉一点呢？”“怎么能委婉，那不是给人家留希望吗？”“留点儿希望怕什么？”“那不行，这种事儿不行就是不行。”
大学生活就在一种青春不经意中慢慢的过着，年轻的我们欣喜的发现，除了学习以外，我们生活还有很多很多的内容。
雪晴，还是那样，没有传出任何的爱情故事，可是，作为和她住的最近的人，我还是发现了一些她的神秘。每周末，宿舍是不熄灯的，而雪晴总会在周末的晚上写信，信写的很长很长的，也很认真。而每隔一周她也总是会收到一封信，偶尔帮她取信时，总能发现都来自于同一个人，一样的笔迹。
我想，雪晴的秘密应该就是和这个通信的人有关的，普通的朋友哪里会这么长时间坚持这样的通信呢。但是，想归想了，我也没有机会去求证什么。
一天，雪晴又收到了来自那个笔迹的信。她看着信，而我看着她，看着看着，居然看到，她的眼泪掉下来了。
看完信，雪晴抬头看到了我惊异的表情，她还来不及擦掉脸上的眼泪就来不及的笑着对我说了一句足以令我目瞪口呆的话：“我终于知道了，他是喜欢我的。”
当晚，我们宿舍开会了，雪晴第一次将她的秘密和盘托出。这个和她通信的人，是从小和她一起长大的一个男孩子，名叫鲁鹰，现在正在南方另一座城市上大学。雪晴说：“我不知道这叫不叫爱，但是，从小到现在，我想象将来和谁在一起时，他的影子就会浮现在我眼前。上大学后，我们一直通信保持联系，寒暑假，我们见面。两年多了，我们互相交流着各自学习专业上的感受，也互相关照着要照顾好自己。可是我们从来就没有说明过喜欢彼此，所以，我一直不能确定他对我是怎样的感情。我一直不好意思问他，怕破坏了我们之间现有的状态。”
“哎哟，雪晴，原来你是最浪漫的哟，这种没有戳破窗户纸的美多朦胧啊。”一个室友感慨着。
“我都没觉得浪漫，也没想着什么朦胧，我想他也是一样的。大家都不好意思向对方证实什么。”雪晴的语言如同她的心思一样直白。“相反，我觉得那个过程挺痛苦的。所以，今天，我特别高兴，我终于弄清楚他的意思了。”
“那，你确定你弄清楚他的意思了吗？会不会搞错了呀？”我半开玩笑的逗她，“他写他喜欢你了吗？”
“没有，他没写他喜欢我。不过他说，我和他之间有一个心灵的约定。”雪晴笑眯眯的回答道。
雪晴比以往显得阳光了很多，毕竟，一份猜测徘徊了这么多年的感情得到了肯定，确实是一件很开心的事情。
在感受到雪晴恋爱开心的同时，我们还体会到了他们的爱的轰轰烈烈。那时，只有在宿舍二楼的小卖部才有一个公用电话，午饭或是晚饭时，我们便经常会听到管理员大声喊雪晴的名字，雪晴会丢下手中的饭，飞奔出去，等半个小时的电话缠绵后，往米饭里倒点开水，却被甜蜜的幸福感塞得满满的怎么吃不下饭了。每个周末晚上的写信，依然是必修课，信越写越长，经常写到凌晨一两点。
距离对相恋男女来说是一种折磨，可有时，因为距离，会让浪漫更加激情。
一个周五，因为父母都出差去了，我就留在学校里没有回家，正好还送一下雪晴，因为她要趁着周末去鲁鹰那里给他个惊喜，为了这个事儿，我们全寝室的人跟她筹划兴奋了一个星期。送她上了火车，我又回到了学校，天都已经黑了。我和另一个室友一边听着音乐，一边享受着周末的清闲。就在这时，宿舍门被人敲响了，我大声叫唤着：“进来，门没锁。”
门被静静的推开了，一个陌生的男生站在了我们面前。室友好奇的问：“你找谁啊？”那男生有些腼腆的回答：“我找雪晴。”
我和室友一听，不约而同的从凳子上跳了起来，睁大眼睛看着那个男生，心里的直觉已经在告诉我们，这个人是鲁鹰。但声音里还是很不置信的问道：“你是鲁鹰吗？”
“我是。”那回答正是符合我们的心思的。年轻可爱的我和室友啊，在沉默了两秒钟后，竟然发出了尖叫声，然后，我激动的结结巴巴的对他说：“雪…雪晴去…你…那里，看…看你去了。傍晚的火车。”
鲁鹰听后，说了声谢谢，没等我们来得及说第二句话，转身飞奔而去。后来，我们才知道，两人都为了给互相一个惊喜，都想到了去看对方，雪晴是坐火车去的，而鲁鹰是坐飞机来的。结果，鲁鹰又坐当晚最后一班飞机回去了，雪晴没有跟我们描述他们见面后的激动，但这事儿，在女生宿舍里轰轰烈烈的传颂了一阵子，雪晴那阵子也称了浪漫指数最高的人物。
时间的流逝是难以察觉的飞快。转眼到了大四，经历过大学生活的人们都该知道，大四时我们会因为各自前程而第一次感受到人生中“生离”的痛苦。那年，我和雪晴成了系里第一批出国深造的两个学生，走时，看到了很多学生情侣们为了各自前程而诀别分手的情形，心里也挺不是个滋味儿的。
为此，我没有问过雪晴她会如何对待和鲁鹰的更长距离相思问题，只觉得应该不会有结果了。
可是，雪晴和鲁鹰后来的表现是令我感慨的。雪晴在国外的头两年里，鲁鹰一边工作，一边在寻找出国机会，最终没有来成北美，去了德国，继续学习汽车设计。我看着这对苦鸳鸯啊平时拼命努力学习打工挣钱，然后将钱集中起来给雪晴买飞机票去德国两人见上一面呆上几周。我有时对雪晴说：“说实话，我作为外人，看看都辛苦，你们一定更辛苦哦。”但是从雪晴的表情中，我就只看到了执着。
鲁鹰毕业后，辗转德国，中国，法国，终于在法国一家汽车公司找到了一份稳定的待遇很好的工作。两人商量后，雪晴做出了惊人之举，她辞去了在北美很好的一份工作，放弃这里所有的一切，到了法国。她踏上法国的那天，距离他们第一次表白心声，整整过了九年。离开北美前，我和她有一次彻夜促膝谈心，其间，她对我说：“如今这个社会啊，大家都喜欢上了感情快餐，迷惑于速食的精美包装，却忘了内心的滋养。我并不能保证和鲁鹰的将来会怎样，但我真的很喜欢和他这心灵的约定，也真的很希望和他能有从一而终的美。”
如今，离那第九个年头，又是两年后了，目睹了这一场长相思奋战的我，听到他们结婚的消息，怎能不从心底感慨而激动。我祝福他们将约定变成了事实，也真心希望从一而终的美伴随他们一生。
在最近饱受婚外情和外遇文章侵袭的网络中，写下朋友的这段感情，愿给大家的心灵带去宁静，哪怕是片刻也好。
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作者：[匿名].昭君 留言时间：2008-01-13 23:20:19
来生：
谢谢又一个美好的爱的故事 -- 因为真实，更加美好，为雪晴这样如今少有的执着爱情的女孩祝福！
你描写的大学生活让我想起了我自己快二十年前的那些画面，很感触。我和老公也
是总共四五年的long distance 爱情长跑(认识他一个月后他就研究生毕业离开学校
了，而我还有一年半才毕业，然后我又分回家乡工作了两年，我们是后来到了美国才团聚的)。那时打长途电话可不像现在这样容易，我们经常要先发电报，约好当晚打电话的时间，然后我到约定的地方去接。等电话的时候的心情真复杂，期待，甜蜜，担心(要是打不过来怎么办？今晚不要想睡着觉了！)。。。 有时没有约好他就打电话来，我从四楼飞跑到传达室的那段路，那个幸福真是难以言表！也许什么时候可以把这
些陈年的故事也写下来，留给自己看看：)。
Sunday, January 13, 2008
ZT: two persons
Two persons happen to meet each other, know each other, and have some love story together. It happens every day everywhere. Married or not married. Rich or poor. Very rich or very poor. Well-known or a regular guy. In the city or even in a village.
The story of this novel is well-written and so good to read because it touches the heart of the readers – so called “middle-class” in the 30’s or early 40’s, with some achievement, as well as a lot of pressure in the job and daily life.
One (man or woman) has some assets (money), but not enough to do whatever one want.
One has some power and free time, but still a working class and a family man (or woman).
One has a lot of knowledge and desire about love, but not much time or energy to pursue as much as one want.
Can I say the love relationship can be very complicated if you want it be, and can be as simple as you define? Maybe one rule is that “there is no rule”. Just like:
Two regular persons argue and one person is killed, so the other person can go to jail. But the war kills thousands of soldiers, but no one go to the jail.
The real thing is that two lovers in the novel are living a life of their own. It is their choice and they have their own destiny. There is nothing wrong or right. Somebody said “it hurts” – but how many things just give you happiness without hurting you?
Time will cure everything. One just doesn’t regret too much when it gets too late to do something. ( Just wondering if Michael will be the terminator of this so called “love”)
The adults should be responsible for whatever they are doing --- just don’t hurt the children they have. The children really don’t have much choice when they are young!
The story of this novel is well-written and so good to read because it touches the heart of the readers – so called “middle-class” in the 30’s or early 40’s, with some achievement, as well as a lot of pressure in the job and daily life.
One (man or woman) has some assets (money), but not enough to do whatever one want.
One has some power and free time, but still a working class and a family man (or woman).
One has a lot of knowledge and desire about love, but not much time or energy to pursue as much as one want.
Can I say the love relationship can be very complicated if you want it be, and can be as simple as you define? Maybe one rule is that “there is no rule”. Just like:
Two regular persons argue and one person is killed, so the other person can go to jail. But the war kills thousands of soldiers, but no one go to the jail.
The real thing is that two lovers in the novel are living a life of their own. It is their choice and they have their own destiny. There is nothing wrong or right. Somebody said “it hurts” – but how many things just give you happiness without hurting you?
Time will cure everything. One just doesn’t regret too much when it gets too late to do something. ( Just wondering if Michael will be the terminator of this so called “love”)
The adults should be responsible for whatever they are doing --- just don’t hurt the children they have. The children really don’t have much choice when they are young!
Thursday, January 10, 2008
ZT: Help me get Rich! Forget about helping those getting out of debt
http://www.fatwallet.com/t/52/798215/
Date Posted: Jan/05/2008 10:31 AM
Rating: +38
Here's a rundown:
Me - SAHM - 33
DH - 33
3 kids - 4 and under
Household Income 82,000 gross
Mortgage - 250k balance (~450k house)- 30 year fixed 5.25% - $1500 monthly
Property Taxes/home insurance - $650/month
Car Loan - 9k - 630/month (will retire loan 4/09 - it's 3.9%, so we opted to keep money in HYSA while making payments)
No other debt
Shouldn't have to purchase another car until 2014 or beyond. Love Hondas!
Annual Savings:
401k - 5% of salary (maxing out company match)
Roth - $6000/year - that's $3000 each
Assets:
44k in non-tax sheltered stocks
67k in 401k - diversified funds that we reallocate annually
70k (total for both) in ROTH IRA (mutual funds)
13k in 403B (Fidelity funds)
25k cash emergency fund (typically used to make major home repairs, then gets replenished - HYSA)
We actually have a negative federal tax liability thanks to a lot of mortgage interest and 3 kids. Taxable income? $25k in 2006. (Though with a promotion it will be more this year)
My money management is entirely self-taught, though my dad did help me develop good habits, as he had me open an IRA at 18 years old. We live pretty frugally. Our last vacation got us twins, so we're afraid to travel again. We don't eat out often, only 1x/month. So I'm not really looking for ways to cut spending, so much as to maximize savings.
Since I became a SAHM, we have managed to increase our retirement savings from 10% to 13% of gross income, dedicating a good portion of DHs raises to retirement savings. In April 2007, I stopped paying extra on mortgage, and instead put that money to my Roth contributions.
DH will start his MBA in April. Due to company reimbursement and schedule of classes, we will not have to pay anything until mid 2009, when the car loan is done. Cost of grad school = $450/month, less than car payment.
My plans:
1) I plan to sell/repurchase some stock in 2008-2010, in order to take advantage of 0% capital gains tax for those in 15% tax bracket or less. Some of our stock was gifted to us in the 1970s as minors. I'd love to reset the cost basis.
2) I plan to treat the MBA like a loan payment - paying $450/month into a conservatively invested 529 account, DH as beneficiary, once the car is paid off. The 529 will help me take advantage of state tax breaks on the contribution and offers tax free growth (IL-Bright Start). I'm aware the growth will be minimal, as we'll be using the money more or less immediately. Any remaining monies in 529 will be reassigned to kids.
Questions:
1) I'm considering selling some stock to maximize our Roth contribution for 2007-2008. Does it seem wise to not have taxable accounts, and instead try to tax shelter more?
2) What else can/should I be doing? We're going by the theory that it's best to pay for our retirement, as our kids would rather pay for their own school than for our retirement. As money becomes available, we're maxing out retirement, then it'll go to kids savings. However, the kids will get a big jump start someday. $25k for each kid, from DH's elderly great-aunt, upon her passing. She's 90.
3) Any better ways to fund the MBA? I've looked into student loans, but it seems that interest accrues while in school, unless it's a Stafford loan.
Now, including a pic, so you'll all play nicely ...
Date Posted: Jan/05/2008 10:31 AM
Rating: +38
Here's a rundown:
Me - SAHM - 33
DH - 33
3 kids - 4 and under
Household Income 82,000 gross
Mortgage - 250k balance (~450k house)- 30 year fixed 5.25% - $1500 monthly
Property Taxes/home insurance - $650/month
Car Loan - 9k - 630/month (will retire loan 4/09 - it's 3.9%, so we opted to keep money in HYSA while making payments)
No other debt
Shouldn't have to purchase another car until 2014 or beyond. Love Hondas!
Annual Savings:
401k - 5% of salary (maxing out company match)
Roth - $6000/year - that's $3000 each
Assets:
44k in non-tax sheltered stocks
67k in 401k - diversified funds that we reallocate annually
70k (total for both) in ROTH IRA (mutual funds)
13k in 403B (Fidelity funds)
25k cash emergency fund (typically used to make major home repairs, then gets replenished - HYSA)
We actually have a negative federal tax liability thanks to a lot of mortgage interest and 3 kids. Taxable income? $25k in 2006. (Though with a promotion it will be more this year)
My money management is entirely self-taught, though my dad did help me develop good habits, as he had me open an IRA at 18 years old. We live pretty frugally. Our last vacation got us twins, so we're afraid to travel again. We don't eat out often, only 1x/month. So I'm not really looking for ways to cut spending, so much as to maximize savings.
Since I became a SAHM, we have managed to increase our retirement savings from 10% to 13% of gross income, dedicating a good portion of DHs raises to retirement savings. In April 2007, I stopped paying extra on mortgage, and instead put that money to my Roth contributions.
DH will start his MBA in April. Due to company reimbursement and schedule of classes, we will not have to pay anything until mid 2009, when the car loan is done. Cost of grad school = $450/month, less than car payment.
My plans:
1) I plan to sell/repurchase some stock in 2008-2010, in order to take advantage of 0% capital gains tax for those in 15% tax bracket or less. Some of our stock was gifted to us in the 1970s as minors. I'd love to reset the cost basis.
2) I plan to treat the MBA like a loan payment - paying $450/month into a conservatively invested 529 account, DH as beneficiary, once the car is paid off. The 529 will help me take advantage of state tax breaks on the contribution and offers tax free growth (IL-Bright Start). I'm aware the growth will be minimal, as we'll be using the money more or less immediately. Any remaining monies in 529 will be reassigned to kids.
Questions:
1) I'm considering selling some stock to maximize our Roth contribution for 2007-2008. Does it seem wise to not have taxable accounts, and instead try to tax shelter more?
2) What else can/should I be doing? We're going by the theory that it's best to pay for our retirement, as our kids would rather pay for their own school than for our retirement. As money becomes available, we're maxing out retirement, then it'll go to kids savings. However, the kids will get a big jump start someday. $25k for each kid, from DH's elderly great-aunt, upon her passing. She's 90.
3) Any better ways to fund the MBA? I've looked into student loans, but it seems that interest accrues while in school, unless it's a Stafford loan.
Now, including a pic, so you'll all play nicely ...
Sunday, January 6, 2008
ZT: 做女人不要学胡紫薇
http://blog.creaders.net/sunwe01/user_blog_diary.php?did=15425
这几天, 有关胡紫薇的报道接二连三地传来: 先是胡紫薇发现丈夫有外遇而跑到中央电视台的发布会上闹场, 然后是她和丈夫各找律师给对方寄离婚协议, 后来北京电视台因此解除了她主持人的职位, 最让人震惊的传闻是她已被逮捕, 要等到奥运结束才能重获自由. 这么一个美丽骄傲的女人, 怎么能承受这一连串的打击啊. 同为女人, 我为她心疼.
痛定思痛, 我们应该从胡紫薇的遭遇中吸取教训, 不要重蹈覆辙. 我想到的教训有三:
第一: 如果自己有老公, 不要再暗恋别的男人, 更不要暗恋明星级的公众人物.
如果你被他迷住了, 与此同时一定有其他女人也喜欢他. 你会借着酒意向他表白, 别人更会投怀入抱. 他那么轻易地接受了你, 也会轻易地接受别人. 他能为你抛弃发妻, 也会为别人抛弃你. 如果你实在忍不住暗恋了, 那就一直暗着恋吧, 千万别告诉任何人, 更别为了你的暗恋而抛弃了老公.
第二: 成了家的女人别再把自己当公主.
家是两个人的家, 不要凡事以自己为中心. 男人也会有烦恼, 也需要安慰. 如果只想着自己的感受, 自己的喜好, 成天吃醋发嗲, 闹小脾气, 耍小性子, 男人总有受不了的一天. 特别要照顾男人的自尊, 不要在他的同事, 尤其是他的部下或是崇拜者面前, 让男人下不了台.
第三: 如果男人不爱自己了, 要自己爱自己.
这一点中国女人和美国女人有着本质的不同. 中国女人发现男人外遇, 先想到的是如何报复他, 最常见的是到男人的单位去闹, 目的是把男人搞臭, 让他以后过不了好日子. 胡紫薇也是这样做的. 可这样做对自己有什么好处呢? 闹的时候, 可能会觉得很痛快. 可闹过之后又会怎样? 美国女人就很聪明, 她们发现男人有外遇, 首先考虑如何保护自己, 第一要做的是婚姻咨询, 请专家帮忙分析自己的婚姻是否还有救. 如果实在没救了, 她们会去找律师, 以便为自己在离婚中得到最大的经济补偿. 这时候她们绝对以自己的将来为中心, 至于男人的面子, 和自己没有关系了, 想都不用想了.
总之一句话: 男人爱自己时, 要为男人着想; 男人不爱自己了, 要为自己着想. 为了一个欺骗自己的男人, 把自己的事业自由都丢了, 不值得.
这几天, 有关胡紫薇的报道接二连三地传来: 先是胡紫薇发现丈夫有外遇而跑到中央电视台的发布会上闹场, 然后是她和丈夫各找律师给对方寄离婚协议, 后来北京电视台因此解除了她主持人的职位, 最让人震惊的传闻是她已被逮捕, 要等到奥运结束才能重获自由. 这么一个美丽骄傲的女人, 怎么能承受这一连串的打击啊. 同为女人, 我为她心疼.
痛定思痛, 我们应该从胡紫薇的遭遇中吸取教训, 不要重蹈覆辙. 我想到的教训有三:
第一: 如果自己有老公, 不要再暗恋别的男人, 更不要暗恋明星级的公众人物.
如果你被他迷住了, 与此同时一定有其他女人也喜欢他. 你会借着酒意向他表白, 别人更会投怀入抱. 他那么轻易地接受了你, 也会轻易地接受别人. 他能为你抛弃发妻, 也会为别人抛弃你. 如果你实在忍不住暗恋了, 那就一直暗着恋吧, 千万别告诉任何人, 更别为了你的暗恋而抛弃了老公.
第二: 成了家的女人别再把自己当公主.
家是两个人的家, 不要凡事以自己为中心. 男人也会有烦恼, 也需要安慰. 如果只想着自己的感受, 自己的喜好, 成天吃醋发嗲, 闹小脾气, 耍小性子, 男人总有受不了的一天. 特别要照顾男人的自尊, 不要在他的同事, 尤其是他的部下或是崇拜者面前, 让男人下不了台.
第三: 如果男人不爱自己了, 要自己爱自己.
这一点中国女人和美国女人有着本质的不同. 中国女人发现男人外遇, 先想到的是如何报复他, 最常见的是到男人的单位去闹, 目的是把男人搞臭, 让他以后过不了好日子. 胡紫薇也是这样做的. 可这样做对自己有什么好处呢? 闹的时候, 可能会觉得很痛快. 可闹过之后又会怎样? 美国女人就很聪明, 她们发现男人有外遇, 首先考虑如何保护自己, 第一要做的是婚姻咨询, 请专家帮忙分析自己的婚姻是否还有救. 如果实在没救了, 她们会去找律师, 以便为自己在离婚中得到最大的经济补偿. 这时候她们绝对以自己的将来为中心, 至于男人的面子, 和自己没有关系了, 想都不用想了.
总之一句话: 男人爱自己时, 要为男人着想; 男人不爱自己了, 要为自己着想. 为了一个欺骗自己的男人, 把自己的事业自由都丢了, 不值得.
Friday, January 4, 2008
ZT: 胡紫薇只揭了央视冰山
胡紫薇只揭了央视冰山一角 好戏在后头
http://news.creaders.net/headline/newsViewer.php?nid=330709&id=771998&dcid=4
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华商晨报 2008-01-03 20:03:15
公元２００７年１２月２９日，离２００８年如此之近，就在２００７年，尘埃落定之时。那些所有的新闻，黑窑，华南虎，矿难，３３７７，贝布拖，既将远去的时候。央视——我们的伟大的央视！给２００７添下了不平凡的一笑。胡紫薇大闹ＣＣＴＶ，揪出央视名嘴张斌的桃色事件，上演一出六国大封相的闹剧。
观看视频，发现胡紫薇女士的风度不是一般，简直是无与伦比了，那干练的风衣，加上胡紫薇娇好的面容，优雅的谈吐，怎么着就象是一场经过精心排练的大戏。而戏中的主角是张斌的桃色新闻，受害者是胡紫薇，她在侃侃而谈的时候，还不忘引用法国外交部长的话，态度显得从容不迫。讲丈夫的诽闻就象是讲一个故事那样的淡定，没有愤怒，没有谩骂，她只是在讲述，讲述一种现象，一种中国人的价值观，她冷眼看她丈夫，是如何地玩弄女色，又冷眼地看央视，直接就要榨出央视那身华丽外袍下面的肮脏来。我觉得胡紫薇是优雅的，优雅的令人心疼。在二小时之前知道了张斌跟另外的女人保持不正当的关系之时，居然先说的是要祝福观众朋友们，如果一个女人，对一个男人，如此的淡定，如此的从容，那绝对是比破口大骂更加的具有杀伤力。当我们看到张斌，目瞪口呆象个木偶的时候，我们知道，好戏正式上演了。
历时２分多钟的闹剧，之中没有暴力，没有哭泣，有的只是质问与控诉。控诉的不仅是他的丈夫，而是全央视，甚至是全中国的男人！中国在没有价值观输出之时，永远不会成为一个大国。改革三十年来，中国人的价值观已经完全扭曲，男人以玩弄更多的女人为荣，女人也以傍更多的有钱男人为傲，世间沦落至此，夫复何言！
央视这袭华丽的外袍，在胡紫薇两分多钟的视频之下，全然崩溃。我们伟大的央视，在二年前赵老师的名言中黯然消魂。现在，在张斌的桃色新闻中，再度被聚焦在全国人的目光之上，多少罪恶假你而行，央视！赵安导演、水均益醉闹夜总会、刘楠事件、段暄、毕福剑。。。。等等，我们央视总是能够引领生活的时尚前沿。
在娱乐圈潜规则被张钰引爆的时候，我们期待央视的潜规则也能被胡紫薇引爆。张钰性录象带事件让我们好好地了解了娱乐圈是如何的自娱又娱人，胡紫薇的暴汗视频希望能够也能有这样的结果。那就是——把央视那些华丽的名嘴后面的肮脏不堪的东西给榨出来。看看他们，都是哪些料，让全国的人看看，央视—这个垄断着全国电视台的怪胎，里面是如何的黑暗与肮脏。
胡紫薇大闹ＣＣＴＶ，揭开了央视的冰山一角，这场大戏是正剧前的开胃酒，而真正的大餐，现在才开始上演。张斌的第三者是谁，有必要进行全方位的出击，当５０亿预算的央视大楼，飙升到１００亿的时候，全国的人都知道，其中的黑幕再次出笼了。胡紫薇的爆料，揭开了名嘴的华丽外袍，露出下面的是什么东西？！我们期待更多的肮脏在光天化日下暴晒！
http://news.creaders.net/headline/newsViewer.php?nid=330709&id=771998&dcid=4
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
华商晨报 2008-01-03 20:03:15
公元２００７年１２月２９日，离２００８年如此之近，就在２００７年，尘埃落定之时。那些所有的新闻，黑窑，华南虎，矿难，３３７７，贝布拖，既将远去的时候。央视——我们的伟大的央视！给２００７添下了不平凡的一笑。胡紫薇大闹ＣＣＴＶ，揪出央视名嘴张斌的桃色事件，上演一出六国大封相的闹剧。
观看视频，发现胡紫薇女士的风度不是一般，简直是无与伦比了，那干练的风衣，加上胡紫薇娇好的面容，优雅的谈吐，怎么着就象是一场经过精心排练的大戏。而戏中的主角是张斌的桃色新闻，受害者是胡紫薇，她在侃侃而谈的时候，还不忘引用法国外交部长的话，态度显得从容不迫。讲丈夫的诽闻就象是讲一个故事那样的淡定，没有愤怒，没有谩骂，她只是在讲述，讲述一种现象，一种中国人的价值观，她冷眼看她丈夫，是如何地玩弄女色，又冷眼地看央视，直接就要榨出央视那身华丽外袍下面的肮脏来。我觉得胡紫薇是优雅的，优雅的令人心疼。在二小时之前知道了张斌跟另外的女人保持不正当的关系之时，居然先说的是要祝福观众朋友们，如果一个女人，对一个男人，如此的淡定，如此的从容，那绝对是比破口大骂更加的具有杀伤力。当我们看到张斌，目瞪口呆象个木偶的时候，我们知道，好戏正式上演了。
历时２分多钟的闹剧，之中没有暴力，没有哭泣，有的只是质问与控诉。控诉的不仅是他的丈夫，而是全央视，甚至是全中国的男人！中国在没有价值观输出之时，永远不会成为一个大国。改革三十年来，中国人的价值观已经完全扭曲，男人以玩弄更多的女人为荣，女人也以傍更多的有钱男人为傲，世间沦落至此，夫复何言！
央视这袭华丽的外袍，在胡紫薇两分多钟的视频之下，全然崩溃。我们伟大的央视，在二年前赵老师的名言中黯然消魂。现在，在张斌的桃色新闻中，再度被聚焦在全国人的目光之上，多少罪恶假你而行，央视！赵安导演、水均益醉闹夜总会、刘楠事件、段暄、毕福剑。。。。等等，我们央视总是能够引领生活的时尚前沿。
在娱乐圈潜规则被张钰引爆的时候，我们期待央视的潜规则也能被胡紫薇引爆。张钰性录象带事件让我们好好地了解了娱乐圈是如何的自娱又娱人，胡紫薇的暴汗视频希望能够也能有这样的结果。那就是——把央视那些华丽的名嘴后面的肮脏不堪的东西给榨出来。看看他们，都是哪些料，让全国的人看看，央视—这个垄断着全国电视台的怪胎，里面是如何的黑暗与肮脏。
胡紫薇大闹ＣＣＴＶ，揭开了央视的冰山一角，这场大戏是正剧前的开胃酒，而真正的大餐，现在才开始上演。张斌的第三者是谁，有必要进行全方位的出击，当５０亿预算的央视大楼，飙升到１００亿的时候，全国的人都知道，其中的黑幕再次出笼了。胡紫薇的爆料，揭开了名嘴的华丽外袍，露出下面的是什么东西？！我们期待更多的肮脏在光天化日下暴晒！
ZT: 男人和外遇
男人和外遇 2008-01-03 13:33:10
http://blog.creaders.net/lAISHENG/user_blog_diary.php?did=15297
说到外遇这个词儿，虽然这种行为的本身没有划定性别界线，男人在外可以彩旗飘飘，女人在外一样可以群山环绕。可是，在以家庭为单位的前提下，为什么男人发生外遇的可能性还是比女人多呢，久而久之，一说到外遇，似乎已经成了男人专利。
首先吧，还是生理上的优势。男人的生理特色就是决定了他们适合打游击战，只要注意自身安全，可以长此以往的打一枪换一个地方，直到打腻了或是打不动了为止。而女人，呵呵，可想而知了，自身的生理特色决定了担心太多，顾虑太多，只要有了真正的肉体接触，再疯狂再火爆的女人在生理上还是处于弱势，处于被占领被攻击的状态。此为其一，乃基础。
其二，心理上的优势，这是重点。众所周知，通常情况下，男人比女人理性，女人比男人感性。理性就能够控制感情的倾注，而感性就容易导致情感投入。这个世界上人与人之间的关系，有了感情基本就好办事儿，唯独这外遇关系不可投入感情。因为这违背了种瓜得瓜，种豆得豆的自然规律。比如，亲人之间你投入了感情得到了亲情，朋友之间你投入了感情得到了友情，爱人之间你投入了感情得到了爱情。可是你这外遇之间投入的感情能得到什么，即便是我们寻找再多的词汇来形容这种另类感情也是白搭，因为，感情这个东西的本质就是带给你温暖，回报于温暖的。应该用心去做的事情用脑来面对，应该跟着感觉走的事情你强加于它思想，一定会扭曲。所以，对于绝大多数男人而言，感情没那么容易投入，令他们在外遇的过程中保持了轻松的心态，可留可走，可替可换，虽然有些动物本质，却是对自己最好的保护。而女人，说一句得罪女人的话，在外遇中，要找长时间感情充沛的女人到处都是，要找长时间头脑清醒的女人却极为稀有。
基于上述两点，很明显的能够看出，在外遇过程中，女人比男人容易受伤，既然容易受伤，那数量自然会减少。所以说在已婚男人和已婚女人的比例来看，男人的外遇高于女人。
把男人作为一个单独的个体来看时，那就是一种充满了野性和斗志的动物。试问天下男人，无论外表如何儒雅，举止如何绅士，风度如何翩翩，内心没有非分之想的没有几个。高明的，擅于浅酌而不至烂醉，避免闹得鸡飞狗跳不可收拾，此类以所有的外遇没有遭到揭露的男人为例。愚蠢的，自以为得意，却不知已东窗事发晚节难保,此类以最近全中国遭外遇毒害最深的男人张斌为例。胆小的，有其心而无其胆，或有其胆但实在没那个魅力的，只有趁老婆不在边上时网页上偷偷浏览，充其量对着舒琪汤唯的裸体海报照片意淫一下，此类以绝大多数尚可自吹没有外遇的男人为例。
前两天，我曾写下了面对外遇，让我们学习胡紫薇的文章，评论属于两边倒的两个极端，支持的大力支持，反对的大力反对。其实，我在写下那篇文章的时候，脑子里想得最多的，并不是张斌如何了，胡紫薇如何了，而是男人究竟怎么了，女人又究竟怎么了，中国社会究竟怎么了。
有能力的男人，难道一定要靠外遇来显示自己的全方位实力吗，而女人，难道一定要靠拥有忠实不二的丈夫才能体现自己的真正人生价值吗。这两个问题，很多人在回答时都会持否定态度，但在行动时却很难自持。
说一千，道一万，面对这个令人疑惑的世界，让我们用一颗最平常的心去面对婚姻，面对诱惑，面对外面的男人，面对外面的女人。抵不住诱惑的，请你做好被批判的思想准备，不想被批判的，请认命你这辈子在这方面出不了彩，朝别的方面去努力吧。遭遇不幸的，请相信，还有比你更不幸的，暂时没事儿的，请你们一定一定要珍惜这份宁静，这份宁静或许没有轰轰烈烈，没有惊心动魄，可请你相信，这份宁静一定能延年益寿。
http://blog.creaders.net/lAISHENG/user_blog_diary.php?did=15297
说到外遇这个词儿，虽然这种行为的本身没有划定性别界线，男人在外可以彩旗飘飘，女人在外一样可以群山环绕。可是，在以家庭为单位的前提下，为什么男人发生外遇的可能性还是比女人多呢，久而久之，一说到外遇，似乎已经成了男人专利。
首先吧，还是生理上的优势。男人的生理特色就是决定了他们适合打游击战，只要注意自身安全，可以长此以往的打一枪换一个地方，直到打腻了或是打不动了为止。而女人，呵呵，可想而知了，自身的生理特色决定了担心太多，顾虑太多，只要有了真正的肉体接触，再疯狂再火爆的女人在生理上还是处于弱势，处于被占领被攻击的状态。此为其一，乃基础。
其二，心理上的优势，这是重点。众所周知，通常情况下，男人比女人理性，女人比男人感性。理性就能够控制感情的倾注，而感性就容易导致情感投入。这个世界上人与人之间的关系，有了感情基本就好办事儿，唯独这外遇关系不可投入感情。因为这违背了种瓜得瓜，种豆得豆的自然规律。比如，亲人之间你投入了感情得到了亲情，朋友之间你投入了感情得到了友情，爱人之间你投入了感情得到了爱情。可是你这外遇之间投入的感情能得到什么，即便是我们寻找再多的词汇来形容这种另类感情也是白搭，因为，感情这个东西的本质就是带给你温暖，回报于温暖的。应该用心去做的事情用脑来面对，应该跟着感觉走的事情你强加于它思想，一定会扭曲。所以，对于绝大多数男人而言，感情没那么容易投入，令他们在外遇的过程中保持了轻松的心态，可留可走，可替可换，虽然有些动物本质，却是对自己最好的保护。而女人，说一句得罪女人的话，在外遇中，要找长时间感情充沛的女人到处都是，要找长时间头脑清醒的女人却极为稀有。
基于上述两点，很明显的能够看出，在外遇过程中，女人比男人容易受伤，既然容易受伤，那数量自然会减少。所以说在已婚男人和已婚女人的比例来看，男人的外遇高于女人。
把男人作为一个单独的个体来看时，那就是一种充满了野性和斗志的动物。试问天下男人，无论外表如何儒雅，举止如何绅士，风度如何翩翩，内心没有非分之想的没有几个。高明的，擅于浅酌而不至烂醉，避免闹得鸡飞狗跳不可收拾，此类以所有的外遇没有遭到揭露的男人为例。愚蠢的，自以为得意，却不知已东窗事发晚节难保,此类以最近全中国遭外遇毒害最深的男人张斌为例。胆小的，有其心而无其胆，或有其胆但实在没那个魅力的，只有趁老婆不在边上时网页上偷偷浏览，充其量对着舒琪汤唯的裸体海报照片意淫一下，此类以绝大多数尚可自吹没有外遇的男人为例。
前两天，我曾写下了面对外遇，让我们学习胡紫薇的文章，评论属于两边倒的两个极端，支持的大力支持，反对的大力反对。其实，我在写下那篇文章的时候，脑子里想得最多的，并不是张斌如何了，胡紫薇如何了，而是男人究竟怎么了，女人又究竟怎么了，中国社会究竟怎么了。
有能力的男人，难道一定要靠外遇来显示自己的全方位实力吗，而女人，难道一定要靠拥有忠实不二的丈夫才能体现自己的真正人生价值吗。这两个问题，很多人在回答时都会持否定态度，但在行动时却很难自持。
说一千，道一万，面对这个令人疑惑的世界，让我们用一颗最平常的心去面对婚姻，面对诱惑，面对外面的男人，面对外面的女人。抵不住诱惑的，请你做好被批判的思想准备，不想被批判的，请认命你这辈子在这方面出不了彩，朝别的方面去努力吧。遭遇不幸的，请相信，还有比你更不幸的，暂时没事儿的，请你们一定一定要珍惜这份宁静，这份宁静或许没有轰轰烈烈，没有惊心动魄，可请你相信，这份宁静一定能延年益寿。
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